A story about poo just for you, its what i do!

3 stories that must to be included:

Many years ago our cat was regularly terrorised by a large alsatian dog and coincidentally at the same time we would discover very large poos (8-12" and of a noble girth) on a small path hidden away by the side of our house. This provided a topic for conversation round the dinner table and a story for my sister and I to regale to our mates. Despite these benefits for us my Dad found it downright unpleasant and vowed to put a stop to it. He was advised to catch it pooing and give it a good fright and it would never return, although he was up by 7 most mornings the damage had already been done, the perpertrator was an early riser, that was for sure! My dad rigged an alarm (he's an electrical engineer type) that went off just in the bedroom when triggered and was tripped when something went up the path. the first night there were several false alarms but in the end aroung six in the morning he legged it down stairs and out the front door only to turn round the corner and be confronted by the local paperboy having his daily massive turd on our path. his 'patch' was soon changed. Luckily he attended the same school as my sister and she told me he never recovered from the related abuse that only school kids can create. I know not what became of him but hope it turned out well for him.

A village idiot type character (couldn't count to 20 aged ten. refused to wear shoes. shot pigeons alot) coerced by his brother to crap on Dock leaf (perfect shape!), this was then wrapped up and some petrol was added. this was then placed on village green and lit. it fooking stank, people walking past would wonder over have a look and then recoil in horror at stench. it burnt for a good while. he was a dirty little barsteward!

Keep this one brief, walked back from night on piss causing a relaxed anal sphincter and could feel bully's special prize wanting to make an appearance, thought i can make it. i couldn't, i shat myself. woke up in morning thought that was horrible but nobody knows so I'm OK. take rubbish out to bin, shit covered clothes strewn down my path = disgusted neighbours. i still wear those trousers.