A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milkin' him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
4 Reasons Computers Are Like Women
4 Reasons Computers Are Like Women
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories.
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories.
Monday, October 13, 2008
A story about poo just for you, its what i do!
3 stories that must to be included:
Many years ago our cat was regularly terrorised by a large alsatian dog and coincidentally at the same time we would discover very large poos (8-12" and of a noble girth) on a small path hidden away by the side of our house. This provided a topic for conversation round the dinner table and a story for my sister and I to regale to our mates. Despite these benefits for us my Dad found it downright unpleasant and vowed to put a stop to it. He was advised to catch it pooing and give it a good fright and it would never return, although he was up by 7 most mornings the damage had already been done, the perpertrator was an early riser, that was for sure! My dad rigged an alarm (he's an electrical engineer type) that went off just in the bedroom when triggered and was tripped when something went up the path. the first night there were several false alarms but in the end aroung six in the morning he legged it down stairs and out the front door only to turn round the corner and be confronted by the local paperboy having his daily massive turd on our path. his 'patch' was soon changed. Luckily he attended the same school as my sister and she told me he never recovered from the related abuse that only school kids can create. I know not what became of him but hope it turned out well for him.
A village idiot type character (couldn't count to 20 aged ten. refused to wear shoes. shot pigeons alot) coerced by his brother to crap on Dock leaf (perfect shape!), this was then wrapped up and some petrol was added. this was then placed on village green and lit. it fooking stank, people walking past would wonder over have a look and then recoil in horror at stench. it burnt for a good while. he was a dirty little barsteward!
Keep this one brief, walked back from night on piss causing a relaxed anal sphincter and could feel bully's special prize wanting to make an appearance, thought i can make it. i couldn't, i shat myself. woke up in morning thought that was horrible but nobody knows so I'm OK. take rubbish out to bin, shit covered clothes strewn down my path = disgusted neighbours. i still wear those trousers.
Many years ago our cat was regularly terrorised by a large alsatian dog and coincidentally at the same time we would discover very large poos (8-12" and of a noble girth) on a small path hidden away by the side of our house. This provided a topic for conversation round the dinner table and a story for my sister and I to regale to our mates. Despite these benefits for us my Dad found it downright unpleasant and vowed to put a stop to it. He was advised to catch it pooing and give it a good fright and it would never return, although he was up by 7 most mornings the damage had already been done, the perpertrator was an early riser, that was for sure! My dad rigged an alarm (he's an electrical engineer type) that went off just in the bedroom when triggered and was tripped when something went up the path. the first night there were several false alarms but in the end aroung six in the morning he legged it down stairs and out the front door only to turn round the corner and be confronted by the local paperboy having his daily massive turd on our path. his 'patch' was soon changed. Luckily he attended the same school as my sister and she told me he never recovered from the related abuse that only school kids can create. I know not what became of him but hope it turned out well for him.
A village idiot type character (couldn't count to 20 aged ten. refused to wear shoes. shot pigeons alot) coerced by his brother to crap on Dock leaf (perfect shape!), this was then wrapped up and some petrol was added. this was then placed on village green and lit. it fooking stank, people walking past would wonder over have a look and then recoil in horror at stench. it burnt for a good while. he was a dirty little barsteward!
Keep this one brief, walked back from night on piss causing a relaxed anal sphincter and could feel bully's special prize wanting to make an appearance, thought i can make it. i couldn't, i shat myself. woke up in morning thought that was horrible but nobody knows so I'm OK. take rubbish out to bin, shit covered clothes strewn down my path = disgusted neighbours. i still wear those trousers.
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